One, Can Not Question Real Commitment.

I love chocolate...I don't think a day goes by that I don't devour my fair share (especially dark) My family makes jokes, people buy me chocolate gifts .....let's just say my desires are very well known......yet I realized that I am not commited. The photo above shows a women so commited that she dove into a large vat of chocolate sause.

Now that shows commitment and the electrons in my "guy" brain are firing off the wall with thoughts and ideas....Hmmmnnn...a women covered in chocolate, I think there is a heaven.

It got me thinking though, when related to my running this year, did I jump in head first to work toward my goals? No, I surely dipped in a couple toes, probably tasted a bit off the tip of my finger and ultimately dangled my legs in, but I didn't dive in.

Oh, I put in effort, actually good effort. What does one get from good effort, good performance? That's right you get back what you give. I wanted great things this year so I should have put in great effort. Had I dove in head first, I would have emerged covered in lushous dark chocolate.

2009 was a pretty good year for me running wise. I ran my first 50k ultra race (though some seasoned ultra racers do not view a 50k as a true ultra) I broke a thousand miles for the first time in a year, I ran some fun races, I spent some quality time with a bunch of running friends and experienced no real injuries.

Thing is, I started out pretty strong. I trained extensively for the 50K and ran the race accordingly. It was a high point and supposed to be the start of and a stepping stone to a great year. Somehow, things sort of rambled from there. I guess my training and races just sputtered and stalled.

I spent the summer and fall running some pretty OK times and there is no doubt that I had loads of fun. I must admit though, that I am sitting here today, the last day of the year and looking back a bit disappointed.

Yes, I am complaining and I do realize that I had a great year running, but it feels like Christmas morning is over, all my presents are opened, yet I didn't get the big special one I talked about and dreamed of all year.

There is no reason to feel this way. Hell, I ran a 50K, I ran 10 races, I spent some great times out on the trails with some fantastic people. How unfair am I with so many people out there that can't even run one mile(I ran over a thousand), people that are much less fortunate than me ..... who am I to complain?

I spent all year saying to myself, "I am doing this for fun, it doesn't matter what the outcome is." ........it doesn't matter...I didn't think it did matter, yet I am not as satisfied as I thought I would be.

So, either it does matter or I am being very selfish. I suppose I have to do some soul searching and decide what I expect from myself and the upcoming year. I suspect if I had pulled off one good speed race, say a 5K or 10K PR, I would feel totally different.

I have to be honest with myself and admit that I didn't put in a PR effort during my shorter races so I can't expect a PR result. I can't be disapppointed because I got all I bargained for. I put in "OK" effort and received "OK" results. I have to be happy with that........I have to be.