I was reading the thread on the Big A Badass at the end of April. Sounded intriguing, but I didn't know the particulars and Blaine didn't give a link to the info he received from Bob.
I thought about it and it seemed as though an attempt at 50K a month before pineland might turn out to be a good thing. If it went well and I managed to finish then perhaps I would feel ready to toe the line for the 50 miler......a stretch but still intriguing.
So I emailed Bab Asking about the procedure for signing up, assuming he would send me a copy of the update he sent Blaine. He emailed back........congratulations, the limited number is not reached yet and you are in!
What the ......? I'm signed up? I didn't mean....well I wasn't sure....uh, yeah I want to run it....but.........OK
YOU KNOW, some things just happen for a reason. One thing I worry about is taking up space, forcing out a really qualified runner who has trained and is ready for this run.
In my mind and vision I want to run 50k....50 miles...100 miles, but my body and condition never seems to be in sync with my mind. If only I could find more time to actually train for these types of runs.
My thoughts teeter totter from good to bad as I try to process my true feelings here. The plus about a Fatass is that it is more training related than racing. If I want to race 50k or 50 miles, I have to train and run it.
There would be no more perfect time than a month before Pineland to run a 50K. As I tried to rationalize my thoughts, I remembered Jeff's decision to skip Boston .......the difference there was he is totally capably on the physical level, his heart just was not in it.
My heart is in it, it's my body that may fail me. I think the real problem is that I don't want to put myself out on a limb, apparantly afraid of failing bothers me more than I figured.
What this whole thought process proves to me is that, even though I ran a 50k and that should qualify me as an ultra runner, in my mind, I am still an ultrarunner wanna-be. I am forced to admit I am not confident in myself or my running.
I feel if you want something then you have to go after it and I want it.....so it apears I will show up and run as much of the 50k as I can and hopefully I will be able to have some pride in the end