On The Outside Looking In.

5/23/08
Friday

I know I have minimal readers but still feel compelled to write my thoughts. I suppose it is a way to cleanse my brain and evaluate my own feelings.

I feel I am on the outside looking in....like standing in the doorway of a cool party. As I look inside, I see a bunch of friends and aquaintences enjoying each others company. They seem so friendly as they interact with each other.

They deserve to be in there as they are an elite group of radicals ....I say radical in a good sense as they do things most of us wouldn't even dream of. Running 50 miles or 100 miles...ON PURPOSE!

I can understand what drives these people as there is a running soul in all of them....something that is hard to explain to those who are not runners. In their case the running soul is looking for extreme accomplishments and they reach that.

I, on the other hand am just a recreational runner in comparison. I wonder if they remember how it felt when they ran their first 15K, 25K or Marathon. I wonder if they realize how amazing they are to run these long distances ......I don't think mankind was designed to run that far.

I am about to run my longest trail race of 25K. I can imagine how these runners feel when they train and embark on their 100 milers. I feel the excitement and apprehension, my brain questioning my own motives as I prepare to run 25K for absolutely no reason other than to cross the finsih line (still standing).

I know I can make it.....that is given as I have completed one Marathon. But will I be happy with my performance? Will I follow my plan? Can I impliment it well enough to finish with my head high and murmering my own Hoorays under my breath?

I suspect this is how these extreme distant runners feel...though perhaps on a smaller scale. Everything is relative.....my ability and task for this race in comparison to their ability and task is very relative.

So.....I am on the outside looking in.....not really a distance runner by their standards.....but radical in comparison to 5K runners. Is this my first step longer races? Or will I be humbled by the undertaking.

To clarify my feelings, I am not saying these runners are not welcoming new comers. Surely they are chanting "come forward Grasshopper, let us light your way" No, it is by my own apprehension and hesitation that I stand at the doorway. Will I join or just visit for a while?

That being say, I will, for the record predict my outcome. My plan is to start out fairly slow and allow myself to warm up a bit. Once I have settled in and if my ham feels OK, I will try to pick up the pace a bit at 5 miles or so. Hopefully continue to force the pace through the next 5 miles....

Then if all is going well, I plan to race the last 5 miles...if not, I will continue for a couple more and race the last 5k. In the end I hope to at least pull off a 10- 11 minute mile pace. If I accomplish that...I think I will be content ...for now.

My only problem right now is to find something to do for the next two days to keep my mind off running.....I want so bad to just get up in the morning and hit the trails for a couple hours...instead I just get up and ....well ..not run.